Shrek: Donkey, come look at this video. Is this your cousin or something? Haha.
Donkey: Uh? What are you talking about? I am getting ready to go out and trot about, showing off my status as a valiant steed…. You know the princess is considering giving me a title - The Royal Noble Steed? And then I can canter, and then I can gallop…
Shrek: Stop being such a chatterbox, would you? Just come over here and take a look.
Donkey: Alright. But you forgot to say “please.”
Donkey: Very well. Wow! What is this! A donkey is doing time in southern Mexico for assault and battery? You mean in jail, like behind prison bars? Wow, man, this donkey is a bad ass!
Shrek: As all donkeys are asses too. Ha ha.
Donkey: Shrek, that’s not very nice. You don’t know what it is like to grow up with all those donkey puns. It makes one feel very lonely. (sobbing)
Shrek: Alright, alright. I am sorry.
Donkey: You know what? I think I know this guy.
Shrek: This inmate donkey? How?
Donkey: I am thinking hard, I am trying to remember….
Shrek: Donkey? Have you been in the slammer before, too? Maybe this guy was your cellmate?
Donkey: Shrek, do I look like I have the courage to be in a gang, lashing out at people, go berserk and assault people, or anything that can land me in prison?
Shrek: Hm, you’re right. You are not the type.
Donkey: So what did this guy do?
Shrek: Well, he bit one man in the chest, and then kicked another man, fracturing his ankle. According to the victims, the donkey was rabid.
Donkey: Rabbit? I can understand if you call us asses, but calling a donkey “rabbit” is too far-fetched. We do have long ears, but we do not hop around. But, come to think of it, we do eat carrots too…
Shrek: RABID, not RABBIT. It just means that the donkey was kind of crazy. The news says that it took six men to control the burro.
Donkey: Hey, I do have a crazy cousin from back home. Maybe this guy is he! Hm... no, no… I think my crazy cousin is dead.
Shrek: Donkey, never mind. I don’t think you really know this donkey.
Donkey: Yeah, I guess not. But it would be cool if I can carry that newspaper around and talk to people about my friend in jail. Hey, Shrek, maybe I can write to him and make friends with him. Lend me a pen and a piece of paper.
Shrek: Donkey, you are a donkey. You can’t write.
Donkey: I am a talking donkey. How do you know that I am not a writing donkey, too?