Santa: Rudolf, I am so troubled.
Rudolf: Why? It’s Christmas! It’s the time of the year when you get to travel around the world and escape Mrs. Claus’s incessant nagging.
Santa: Well, that’s true. But Christmas is coming, and all my elves are slacking off at work. I think they all secretly skip work to do Christmas shopping.
Rudolf: But, Santa, why do they need to buy gifts? They are Christmas elves, they make the gifts.
Santa: Then they must be spending all their time gossiping, or surveying holiday locations on-line. Don’t you know that Christmas is a notorious time when work productivity takes a nosedive all over the world.
Rudolf: Santa, the elves are really not as sluggish as you think. After all, they only work in the run-up to Christmas, and vacation for the rest of the year. See, they are all busy working away there in the workshop.
Santa: hmm…I guess that’s true. I must be influenced by all those news reports on office workers bunking off work and pulling a sickie around Christmas time. Sorry, I guess I was being a bit paranoid.
Rudolf: (quietly) … and old.
Santa: What? I didn’t hear you clearly.
Christmas Elf 1: Mr. Claus! Mr. Claus! One of your post elves is out of control!
Rudolf: Santa, I don’t know that we have post elves.
Santa: Of course we do. They are actually volunteers from Canada Post. Kids all over the world can write to me at a special Canadian postal code “HOH OHO.” Because, you know, I always do that HOHOHO laugh all the time. HOHOHO. HOHOHO. HOHOHO…
Christmas Elf 1: Mr. Claus, calm yourself. We are having an emergency here.
Santa: Oh, right. So, Rudolf, anyways, the nice people at Canada Post reply letters to the kids on my behalf, and they are called my post elves. And it seems that one of them is out of control now, according to this little fellow. HOHOHO.
Christmas Elf 1: This is no laughing matter, Mr. Claus. One of those volunteers wrote nasty letters to the kids.
Santa: Well. Sometimes the kids can be pretty greedy and pert in their letters, I can understand why someone may not want to be a nice jolly man all the time.
Christmas Elf 1: No, sir, you wouldn’t possibly approve of this. They are really inappropriate…
Christmas Elf 2: Mr. Claus! Mr. Claus! There is a fire broken out in one of the malls and burned down a 35-foot Christmas tree!
Christmas Elf 2: As well as the plastic reindeer and the fake gifts beside the tree!!
Christmas Elf 3: Mr. Claus, sir! Sir! A drunk man hit a Christmas tree with his car!
Christmas Elves: Mr. Claus! Mr. Claus!! @##$%%*^(*)@$@#%^%*^@#%
Santa: Rudolf, I feel dizzy. What do you say if we skip Christmas? You know, skiving off to some warm seaside resort?
Rudolph: Sounds terrific, Santa. Just follow my glowing red nose and off we go!
Santa: HOHOHO! Merry Christmas!